


Dancing Queen

by Daegaer



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angels, Dancing, Dancing and Singing, Demons, Friendship, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-27
Updated: 2018-10-27
Packaged: 2019-08-08 21:11:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16436846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daegaer/pseuds/Daegaer
Summary: Aziraphale has a slight demonic infestation.





	Dancing Queen

Aziraphale was having a fairly quiet Tuesday evening, until the singing and tap-dancing started. _That's odd_ , he thought, _didn't I make the street invisible to hen parties?_ He trotted downstairs and went out into the street, looking around for the source of the discordant singing and the clod-hopping dance-moves. No one that he could blame. Someone whistled.

"Oi, you! Come up here and give us a twirl!"

He looked up at the shop roof. He pursed his lips, went back indoors and picked up the phone.

"Crowley, dear," he said, not even bothering to wait for it to ring – it was after all an emergency – "I wonder if you could come around and deal with a little problem? I appear to have demons in the attic."

 

* * *

 

"Can't you manage this yourself?" Crowley groused, pulling the Bentley in and shunting other cars out of the way.

"I tried asking them to turn the music down!" Aziraphale yelled. "You can hear the result!"

"What?" Crowley yelled back. "Sorry, it's too loud."

"I said, I tried – " Aziraphale belatedly registered the grin on Crowley's face and scowled. "Up. There. Fix it!"

"OK, OK, keep your wings on. Hey! What d'you think you're doing up there, making that blessed racket?"

Several female demonic faces peered down. One in particular split into a wide, delighted grin.

"Crawley! Long time no materialize! Fancy a dance?"

"Well, well, Agrat bat Mahlat!" he said. "I haven't seen you since those guys made you stop partying on school nights."

"I'm still allowed out on two nights a week," she said cheerfully. "Hey, Mum's here too. Mum!"

"Hi, Crawley!" Lilith said, hanging precariously over the edge.

"I thought I recognized the song," Crowley said. "It's just, do you have to do it on his shop roof?" He nodded at Aziraphale.

"Be fair," Agrat said, "I _am_ the dancing roof-demon. It's sort of my thing."

"And we're being considerate," Lilith said, swigging from a bottle. "We're not actually singing and dancing loud enough for the humans to hear. Just enough to be irritating to the enemy."

The accompanying demonesses made rude remarks and ruder gestures. It was all much tamer than the hen parties that typically annoyed Aziraphale.

"You get off my roof right now, or I'll come up there and banish you myself," he said.*

"Oooo-oooh," the demonesses chorused. They resumed making rude gestures.

"Tell you what," Agrat said, "you can consider us banished _if_ both of you come up and dance with me. And you have to tell Mum you like her singing voice."

"She sounds like a cat being skinned," Aziraphale muttered.

"Thanks!" Lilith beamed. "I knew you could be polite if you tried!"

"Anyway, I'm not going to dance with a herd of little demonic trollops," Aziraphale said.

"I wouldn't call Agrat _little_ ," Crowley said helpfully as the demonesses all leaned over and hissed in annoyance.

"One dance," Agrat said, slit-pupilled eyes narrowed, "or I'll be back twice a week." She smiled sweetly. "For all eternity."

Crowley shrugged. "What do you want to do?" he said. "I mean, I know _I_ can dance, but you . . ."

"Excuse me?" Aziraphale said. "Which of us actually has had dancing lessons? And I've seen what you call dancing; you'd be right at home with the rooftop rugby-boot ballet up there. Some of us are more used to _civilized_ forms of dance. Like the gavotte."

"That's just fine, I _love_ the gavotte," Agrat said challengingly.

Aziraphale glared at her. First she defiled his rooftop and now his favourite dance?

"You," he said, "are on, young lady."

He ignored the sarcastic and amused comments from Crowley, and the hooting jeers from the demonesses. After all, he had a secret weapon on his side, he thought, as he wished himself up to roof-level. It wasn't just the dancing lessons and his actual love of the gavotte.

He had watched every single season of _Strictly Come Dancing_.

* * *

*Which he had never been brave enough to say to any of the hen parties celebrating in the area. Not since the evening one gang of tipsy revellers had mocked his objections, put a sparkly headband on him and forced him to join their bacchanalian excesses.**

**Singing Europop summer hits while drinking sugary cocktails.  


**Author's Note:**

> Agrat bat Mahlat is one of Lilith's daughters and is a queen of demons. She is the "dancing roof-demon" and appears on the eves of Wednesdays and Saturdays with her female retinue to haunt human habitation. They dance while Lilith howls. She was restricted to twice a week by two Roman-era rabbis who met her on one of her jaunts. In one legend, she had a son with King David, the demon Asmodeus.


End file.
